I cannot find my penis.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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