Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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