There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
