dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
