i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
