wrigley field is MILF paradise
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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