I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
