I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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