I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
