Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
