dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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