Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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