Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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