I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
