no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The ass gains better be worth it
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