Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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