does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
