i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
