Ambien. No doubt about it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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