i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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