Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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