I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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