Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
