i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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