I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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