i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
