Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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