I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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