i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
