My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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