Apparently you make a good broom.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Less talking, more tequila
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
