My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
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I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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