Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You pole danced in your parka.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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