my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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