Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
