suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
