hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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