I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize