i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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