Midget sex pt 2 tonight
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
