Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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