It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That's intense
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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