One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
