Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
