Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
