On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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