Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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