I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
