He asked to "fluff my boner.."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
