4 words: hood of his car
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm too high and old for this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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