Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
