How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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