Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
