So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
