i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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