Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize