Buhtt sex?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he puts the penis in happiness.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
