I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
