i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize