i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
