Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
