Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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