The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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