Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
