it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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