If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
