everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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