Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
