i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
