just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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