I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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