Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
