Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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